Alchemist? Meet Wizard
by Quicquidlibet
Summary: FMA/HP crossover. 5th yr, post-Manga. Ed and Mustang both agreed, their new orders had to be some of the weirdest in history. Or the Fuhrer was pulling a prank on them. Either one. No HP pairings, possible EdWin, possible Royai, definite parental Roy/Ed
1. Start

**A/N: Alright, first off, I need to explain why Ed has alchemy in this story even though this takes place after the manga. In this story, Ed figured out the whole giving up alchemy solution before the fight and told Al. But then, the fight happened and he had no time to actually go through with the idea. After the fight, just as he was about to go to the Gate, Al beat him to it and went there ahead of him. When Al came back, they discovered that Al's sacrifice only gave back his body and Ed's leg. Ed's arm didn't get returned because it had been taken in a trip to the Gate that was separate from their original trip. Al managed to convince Ed to keep his alchemy, saying it helped people, plus keeping his arm gave him an excuse to see Winry. I know in the manga that Ed's automail arm was destroyed and Al sacrificed his soul to give it back, but even though I like that scene (because seriously, after all this time of Ed sacrificing things for Al, Al can finally return the favor, somewhat) I can't have it in there if Al gives up alchemy because it would make no sense if he returned Ed's arm, sat at the Gate during the fight, and THEN came back without alchemy. So just pretend that Ed's automail arm stayed intact during the fact. Yup. Also, sorry about not updating anything for a long time. I'd give you excuses but it's late and I'm tired. Lastly, I know this chapter's short (like Ed), but it's how I wrote it and I like it this way. It will not change.**

**I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER OR FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST. Seriously, if I did, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be published.**

Roy Mustang was not one to disobey orders. He knew damn well that if he wanted to get higher in position, he would have to be a good 'dog', as he was usually called. But, in his opinion, _disobeying_ orders and _burning them_ were two very different things. Too bad that a very specific order was _stop_ burning his orders. And he could see why that order finally came, after all these years.


	2. Chapter 1

A month later, Edward Elric stormed into Colonel Mustang's office, with a fully restored Alphonse Elric trailing behind. He slammed the door shut and glared. But instead of the smug smirk and clean office he was used to, his superior had his head in his hands and every possible spot in the office – except the paperwork – was scorched.

"What the hell?" the blonde alchemist blurted, finally getting Mustang's attention.

"I'm not allowed to burn orders or paperwork so I had to settle for everything else," the older man explained, sulking a little.

"But why burn everything?" Al asked, clearly confused. By way of explanation, Roy just handed Ed the envelope containing his orders.

* * *

_Major Edward Elric_

_Fullmetal Alchemist_

_You, along with Colonel Roy Mustang, are to go undercover for an entire school year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to research magic and protect Harry Potter. The two of you are to pose as father and son, as well as a teacher and a student. Alphonse Elric is is not to come on this mission, seeing as he is still recuperating and is not in the military, but he may visit on holidays. Crucial information is enclosed. Do not destroy these orders and don't insult one another. That includes comments on both height and rain. You have three months to prepare and grow accustomed to wizarding ways._

_Fuhrer Grumman_

* * *

Edward could see why Mustang had gone on a rampage; he himself kicked the waste basket with all his might, making Alphonse jump.

"Dammit! Magic! Really?" Ed stated irritably.

"Apparently the headmaster of the school specifically asked for the boy to have body guards. Grumman told me that the man's willing to give us a demonstration of magic once we finish going over your orders," Mustang replied. "I don't like this either, after all, I am an alchemist. I agree that magic shouldn't be possible, but we might as well take the mission."

"Fine," Ed huffed. Then he smirked at his brother's bewildered look. "Well, at least this should be interesting."

"What are you talking about?" Al finally asked, exasperated at not knowing. He gratefully took the orders that Ed handed him so he could understand.

"Good luck on not insulting each other," he grinned when he finished. He knew that the two hot-tempered state alchemists would have a hard time acting like father and son, since they tended to argue. A lot. His not-so-innocent comment caused both Ed and Roy to scowl. "I'll miss you, Brother."

"I'll miss you too, Al," Edward replied with a sad smile.


	3. Chapter 2

"You do know that we were supposed to be there yesterday, right? We're late," Ed grumbled as he looked for Dumbledore.

Frankly, he had found the old man creepy, ever since they had first met. He still was skeptical about magic; as far as he was concerned it was just stupid. Why wave around a _stick, _of all things, to get what you need when you could use alchemy? Granted, magic supposedly 'surpassed' the law of equivalent exchange (a 'fact' which he highly doubted), but it was useless without a wand. Alchemy could be done anywhere, so long as you have something to write with. Which basically translates to anywhere because it_ is_ possible to use blood if you have nothing else to write with; a perfect example being Al's old blood seal. Unless you're a soul bonded to a suit of armor or something and have no blood. But that's beside the point.

Either way, magic was _illogical. _Take the summoning spell. Where the hell does the thing you've summoned _come_ from? Did you just create it then and there? Or did it come from somewhere else? And where did the vanishing spell send it? Did it just disappear? Or did it go back to where you got it? Hadn't any of these so-called 'wizards' ever bothered to ask such questions? Apparently not, from what Ed could see.

"Quit complaining," Mustang ordered in irritation. Part of his irritation stemmed from the fact that his traveling companion was right; the other part being that the same aforementioned traveling companion would not stop complaining.

"Why the hell should I? You know as well as I do, Dad, that it's not my fault we're late. _You're_ the one in charge, remember?" the younger alchemist retorted sarcastically.

He had just started calling Roy by the title of 'Dad' the month before. During the three month preparation period, he had stayed at Roy's apartment to adjust to living with him, seeing as they would have to share the quarters they were being given at Hogwarts. Since Roy was posing as a teacher, he got his own quarters and it only made sense for Edward to stay with his supposed father. None of the teachers, not even Dumbledore, knew that the two were not truly related; Fuhrer Grumman had intentionally omitted that piece of information when recommending the two to the old headmaster. Therefore, the two were hard-pressed to keep that secret looking as realistic as possible. Yet they were both surprised when Ed had called him 'Dad' and Roy had responded without a thought, but an even bigger shock had come when the younger Elric had picked up on the odd habit as well.

"Where is that old fart, anyway?" Mustang exclaimed, having no luck finding Dumbledore.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Most of the content in this chapter was taken straight from the fifth HP book. For the parts that were long and I was too lazy to write, I shortened them to the point where it basically said the same thing, just in a way that won't cramp up my hands when I type it. The only change to the original story of HP is Dumbly-dore's announcement about Roy's class. Yuppers. Remember, I am NOT trying to plagiarize, I'm just being lazy. That is all.**

* * *

Harry looked over to the staff table of the Great Hall, only to be met with disappointment. Hagrid was nowhere to be seen.

"He's not there."

Ron and Hermione looked as well, but there was no need. Hagrid was too big to be missed.

After a hushed discussion between the three, Hermione was distracted.

"Who's that?" she said sharply, pointing toward the middle of the staff.

The woman she pointed to was short and squat. Her hair was brown, short, and curly, with an ugly pink headband. The cardigan she wore over her robes matched her headband. Her face was toad-like.

"It's that Umbridge woman!" Harry exclaimed with a shock of recognition.

"Who?" said Hermione.

"She was at my hearing, she works for Fudge!"

"Nice cardigan," Ron smirked.

"She works for Fudge?' Hermione repeated, frowning. "What on earth's she doing here, then?"

"Dunno..."

Hermione scanned the staff table, her eyes narrowed.

"No," she muttered, "no, surely not..."

Harry had no clue what she was talking about, but couldn't ask because the first years had just arrived for sorting.

When the sorting finished, Dumbledore rose to his feet.

"To our newcomers," he said in a ringing voice, his arms stretched wide and a beaming smile on his lips, "welcome! To our old hands – welcome back! There is a time for speech making, but this is not it. Tuck in!"

People broke into laughter and applause as Dumbledore sat back down and food magically appeared on the table in front of them.

Once everyone finished eating, Dumbledore rose to his feet again.

"Well, now that we are all digesting another magnificent feast..." Dumbledore began. He got halfway through his speech before he was interrupted.

"Hem, hem," Professor Umbridge cleared her throat and got to her feet, ignoring the looks of bewilderment sent her way. She clearly intended to make a speech, which Dumbledore allowed.

"Thank you very much, Professor Umbridge, that was most illuminating," he said as she finished, bowing to her. "Now – as I was saying, this year we have a new class for fourth years and older. The class is for Alchemy, and it seems that the new professors have gotten lost on the way here, but don't worry, they'll be here by the time their first class starts..."

"Isn't alchemy a dead art?" Hermione whispered to Harry and Ron as Dumbledore continued.

"If it is why are they teaching it?" Ron replied.

"I guess we'll just have to find out," Hermione sighed.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: I just wanted to say, thank you for the reviews. It means a lot. :) Now, on with the story! Let the fun begin!**

* * *

As Harry and the others walked into the alchemy classroom at the end of the next day ("Why is _every_ alchemy class _after_ dinner?" said Hermione), they saw a boy sleeping in the professor's desk. He had long blonde hair tied in a braid. He wore Muggle clothes: dark skinny jeans, a black, long sleeve t-shirt, and white gloves. He had to be no older than thirteen; they had no idea why he was there.

"Excuse me," Hermione said to the sleeping boy, consequentially waking him up. He glared at her.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

"I think you might be in the wrong classroom," Hermione continued, despite his rude manners.

"What makes you say that?" he glared some more.

"Well, this is a fifth year alchemy class," she stated.

"So?"

"Third years can't take alchemy," she went on. The boy's eyes narrowed.

"I'm sixteen, you idiot. I'm here because my dad asked me to help him teach," he snapped his reply, clearly mad about the implications to his height (or lack thereof). Hermione blushed profusely as she, Harry, and Ron took their seats in the last three desks, all of them in the front.

The chattering class didn't notice as a dark-haired man (also in Muggle clothing: a white button up shirt, black dress pants, and white gloves) came in.

"Settle down," he told them in a bored tone. No one but Harry, Ron, and Hermione payed him any attention.

When no one listened to his command, he sighed. Hermione saw the boy's eyes widen as the man snapped his gloved fingers.

Before she could blink, the area above them was engulfed in flames, causing many students to cry out in shock. Just a quick as they had appeared, the flames vanished.

At the very front of the room, amidst the left over smoke, stood the man, who was smirking.

"Now that I have your attention, welcome to Beginner's Alchemy."


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long. I didn't die. I was just distracted.**

**Do you know how annoying it is to have your most popular story be the one that gets the biggest writer's block?**

**Recently I've come up with ideas for two more FMA/HP crossovers but I'm not gonna start them until I finish this one.**

**I DON'T OWN.**

* * *

Roy smirked at the students' faces. Behind him he could hear Ed snickering. "My name is Roy Mustang and this is my son, Edward. We'll be your alchemy teachers for the year," he said to the frightened class. "All of you will be required to take this class for a month. Once that month is over, only the students with the most potential for alchemy will be given the option of continuing the course. This class will be physical, hands-on, and highly demanding. Any transmutations without supervision of me or my son will result in an expulsion from this class. Although my son may be a student during the day, he is a professor in this classroom and will be treated that way. Prefects can _not_ give him a detention while in this class, so if you have a problem with how he talks to you, take it up with me. That's about it, so if you have any questions, ask Ed. If you need me, I'll be sleeping in my desk." And with that, he walked over to the desk, shoved Ed out of the chair, sat down, propped his legs on the desktop, and promptly fell asleep.

"He's lazy," Ed told the stunned class with a snort. "Any questions?" A few students raised their hands. Ed pointed at random. "You. State you're name first."

"Hermione Granger. I actually have a few questions. First, I've done some research on alchemy before, and I was told that alchemy is a dead art. If that's true, which I believe it to be, why do we have this class?" she inquired, sitting straight up in her seat.

"Where the hell did you hear that? Alchemy isn't dead!" Edward responded in surprise. "Next you'll be saying that alchemy is magic! That's like saying Havoc hates smoking!"

"Or that Hawkeye's a pacifist," Roy added from his seat at the desk, unable to sleep due to Ed's shocked exclamation.

"Um," Hermione began uncertainly. "Alchemy _is_ a branch of magic."

Ed rolled his eyes at that and Roy laughed openly.

"Alchemy is a _science._ I don't know who told you otherwise, but it is definitely _not_ magic," Ed said, spitting out the word 'magic' as if it were a curse. At this Harry raised his hand. Roy motioned for him to speak.

"Alchemy is in fact magic. It's the branch specifically dedicated to making gold and creating immortality. The only thing it's known for is the philosopher's stone," he informed them. "Oh. I forgot to say my name. Harry Potter," he added.

"First, _never_ bring up something as sickening as a philosopher's stone when you're around me. Second, alchemy is not what you think it is. Alchemy is the science of deconstructing something and reconstructing it into something different, but with the same elements and the same amount of matter. It is against the _law_ to create gold and there is no way to become immortal. Listen up!" Edward snapped, walking over to the chalkboard. "Before I teach you alchemy, you had better figure this out. 'All is one, one is all.' Any of you know what this means?"

* * *

**Because Ed can't teach alchemy without using his teacher's line. I feel like an idiot for forgetting the definition of alchemy. I haven't read FMA in so long... Sorry if the definition is wrong.**

**I feel like Mustang would make Ed do all the work. So therefore he sleeps in class. He only took part in this conversation cos it interested him.**

**What a great teacher.**

**-Jessica.**


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Is it weird that my one true love at the moment is Fred Weasely?**

**I just find the twins absolutely hilarious, so they're always gonna be a large part of my fics. Be warned.**

**Just curious, have any of you checked out my oneshot 'Look Beyond What You See'? It has the twins in it. I recommend it if you have a decent knowledge of the Lion King. I think it's pretty funny. Or maybe it's just me...**

**I DON'T OWN. DO I LOOK LIKE A SUPER DUPER RICH LADY/COW? I BARELY KNOW HOW TO SPELL THE HP CHARACTERS' NAMES, I COULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN IT. I FORGOT THE DEFINTITION OF ALCHEMY, I DIDN'T WRITE FMA.**

**That is all. Carry on.**

* * *

The golden trio and Ginny sat in the Griffindor common room, waiting for the twins to get back from alchemy class. They were the last to go to bed due to the late hour, there were four classes after dinner every night except Monday. Tuesday was the day for Griffindor to have alchemy, the classes went in order of fourth years first, then fifth, then sixth, then seventh. Hufflepuff had classes in the same order on Wednesday, while Slytherin was on Thursday, with Ravenclaw on Friday.

"Hey! What are you doing up?" the twins greeted as the climbed through the portrait hole.

"We wanted to see how your class went," Ron replied. "Did you piss the younger one off like Harry and 'Mione did?"

"Nah. Ed's cool," Fred replied.

"Did you know he's a Griffindor?" George added.

"He's in our year," Fred finished as they both burst into wicked grins.

"He is?" Harry asked in surprise. "Then why didn't he come back with you guys? He has no more classes."

"He stays in his dad's quarters," Fred informed them.

"He said something about not being able to sleep around random strangers," George continued.

"So we told him that not all of us are strange," Fred said, chuckling at his own joke.

"Well, that explains why all the classes are after dinner, he has regular classes too," Hermione thought aloud. "I wonder why his dad would need his help teaching?"

"Oh, we asked him," George told her.

"He told us that it's cos he's a better alchemist than his dad," Fred said with a laugh.

"His dad then told us that he cheated in his studies."

"So they got in this full scale argument."

"It ended with Ed saying, and I quote 'At least I don't randomly set people on fire!'"

"To which Roy responded with 'That was one time!'"

"Apparently they blow up stuff."

"A lot."

"I think I like them."

"I think I agree."

"You would," Ginny sighed in exasperation. "Great, just what we need. _More_ explosions."

"Don't fight it Ginny," George said.

"Just sit back and enjoy the show," Fred finished. She just rolled her eyes.

* * *

The next morning a groggy Harry jumped when Ed sat down next to him in the Great Hall. The blonde just laughed.

"Why so jumpy?" he asked as he filled his plate.

"Tired. Startled me," Harry mumbled sleepily, trying hard to wake up.

"It's good to keep on your toes," Ed replied.

"Ed!" the twins exclaimed.

"Welcome, my good man!" Fred continued.

"To the greatest house in all of Hogwart's history!" George finished. Both spoke in exaggerated tones.

"Do they always do this?" Ed asked Harry, amusement written all over his face.

"Do what, share a voice or wake up in a good mood?" Harry laughed.

"Both," Ed replied.

"Yeah, pretty much," Ron added, sitting down across from Harry and next to his brothers, Hermione close behind. Ginny sat across from Hermione, next to Harry.

"Edward Mustang!" George declared in a dramatically deep voice. "Are you ready to meet the _toad?_"

"The _toad!_" Fred gasped in a high pitched voice. Ed snickered.

"Who's the toad?" He looked at the High Table, following the twins' fingers, and saw 'the toad.' "You shouldn't call her that. It's an insult to the _real_ toads."

All the surrounding students laughed at that comment. Ed grinned and started shoveling food in his mouth.

* * *

**They called him Mustang because they believe him to be Roy's son, and they weren't told otherwise.**

**My favorite part was the "At least I don't randomly set people on fire!" "That was one time!"**

**I put Ed in seventh year for two reasons: 1. It's really cliché to put him in Harry's year just to watch out for him. And 2. Let's face it, the boy's a genius. He'd be put in seventh year no matter what his age because he's. Just. That. SMART.**

**Plus I wanted him to hang out with the twins.**

**So it was actually three reasons. Heh. **

**~Jessica**


	8. Chapter 7

"**What is he **_**doing?**_**"**

"**Making us laugh!"**

**Oh Mother...**

**Hello. I would like to state that I'm in a **_**lovely**_** mood. And I have the flu. How does that work?**

**I have decided to write a story on my shared account (Adorkable Super Dorks) that involves Fred and George Weasely, Iggy and Gazzy Ride from Maximum Ride, and many, **_**many**_**,**_** MANY, **_**explosions. I am telling you this because if you are interested, please leave a comment on what you want them to blow up, and I will try to fit it in. Just no people, please. You don't need to have read Maximum Ride in order to understand the plot of my story. It will be called "Are you SURE this is flammable?" and will be generally strange. Meaning, the results of each explosion will be highly ridiculous. Example? Object: Malfoy's broom. Result: Monkey dung in a variety of colors splattering everything within a mile radius.**

**Also, I know I said I wouldn't make another FMA/HP crossover while I was still working on this one, but I get antsy. I seriously can NOT hold back ideas. So I put up a poll on my profile for you guys to decide which crossover I will work on along side this one.. The poll will close when I get 15 votes for one option. The first choice to get 15 will be the story I start. Please vote.**

**Anyway, I don't own anything, except my neon green high-top Chuck Taylors.**

* * *

Unfortunately for seventh year Gryffindors, they had Defense Against the Dark Arts first period on Wednesday. Unfortunately for Ed, that meant that the very first Hogwarts professor he would meet was Dolores Umbridge, or as she was more commonly known, the toad.

Many people were curious about the sixteen year old alchemy professor. Of course, many were trying to figure out why a _professor_ was sitting with Gryffindor students rather than the High Table. Yet many _more_ were trying to figure out what the heck he was laughing at.

Until they followed his gaze to Umbridge. That made sense.

"Mr. Mustang," Minerva McGonagall stated, handing Ed his schedule.

"Call me Ed," he replied. "Mustang is my dad." Professor McGonagall gave a curt nod before walking off. Ed gave the schedule a quick glance before it was taken out of his hands by George Weasely.

"Blimey, mate! You're in Advanced Arithmancy _and_ Ancient Runes?" he exclaimed.

"And Advanced Potions and Care of Magical Creatures?" Fred announced after him.

"How did you get out of Transfiguration?" Ron asked him, looking over his brothers' shoulders. Ed rolled his eyes and snatched the paper back.

"My curriculum was farther ahead of yours when I was privately tutored, so they put me in advanced classes. I'm not in Transfiguration because seventh years focus on human transfiguration, which goes against my code as an alchemist," he explained with a snort, as if it were obvious.

"Why does it go against your code?" Ginny asked him, honestly curious.

"Weren't you listening in class?" Ed asked her accusingly. "Oh, right, you fell asleep instead of listening." Ginny's brothers all laughed at this, along with Harry. She blushed slightly as she remembered him having to wake her up. "Anyway, the three main laws of alchemy are to follow Equivalent Exchange, no making gold, and no human transmutation. Transmutation is pretty similar to transfiguration, so human transfiguration goes against my code."

"That makes sense, but why is human transmutation forbidden?" Hermione asked. He looked at her, his eyes slightly haunted.

"Because it usually fails. And when it doesn't, the results are still sickening." To say that his companions were shocked was understatement. After this disturbing comment, they ate in silence before going to class.

* * *

Despite his advanced classes, Ed still had Defense Against Dark Arts, Herbology, and Charms with the seventh year Gryffindors and, consequentially, the Weasely twins. And all three classes in a row.

If you added Lee Jordan to the newly formed trio, Minerva McGonagall mused, they would have four new Marauders.

* * *

**I can totally see Ed, the twins, and Lee creating the new generation of Marauders. After all, they do have the Map and Invisibility Cloak. Well, technically Harry has them, but I'm sure he'd be happy to lend them to the four mischief makers. Which is why I'm including the following below. I didn't put in before, because it wasn't relevant, but I enjoyed it and I thought you would too.**

* * *

All the seventh year Gryffindors had gone straight to bed when the class got out, except for two.

Fred and George Weasely.

The two had decided that they wanted to ask some questions that they hadn't gotten to ask in class.

The older alchemist was fast asleep at this point, having dozed off sometime during the lesson, so they went up to the younger one.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked them in confusion.

"We had some questions. You guys mentioned explosions in your argument during class," Fred began.

"So we were wondering," George continued.

"Are you a fan of pranking?" they finished in unison. Ed smirked.

"I take it you are?" he asked them, smirk growing wider as they grinned evilly and nodded. "Mind if I join you on them?"

"You ever heard of the Marauders?" Fred asked him. Ed shook his head.

"They used to go here," George said.

"They're the masters of all magical pranks."

"We know them personally."

"They asked us to carry on their legacy."

"There are four spots in the Marauders."

"We already have ourselves and Lee Jordan."

"You'd be the fourth."

"You interested?"

Ed burst into a wide grin and nodded. "Count me in." The twins cheered ecstatically.

"We'll have our first meeting tomorrow during lunch," George said as they made their way out of the room. Ed waved his hand in acknowledgment.

On the way to the dorm, the twins were talking to each other.

"Think Sirius will be disappointed that Harry's not the fourth Marauder?" George wondered aloud.

"Nah, he already knows that Harry's in the Golden Trio," Fred replied. "It's pretty much their own version, but smaller than the Marauders."

"So they're our rival pranksters?" George raised an eyebrow at his twin. Fred cracked a mischievous smile.

"Oh yes. Shall we declare war on them?"

"We shall, my brother. We shall."

* * *

Meanwhile, Ed had kicked Roy awake and the two were talking as they got ready for bed.

"Why do I feel like those redheaded twins we had in class are going to cause a lot explosions?" Ed asked after a minute of silence. Roy didn't look up at him.

"Why do I feel like you'll be helping them?"

* * *

**I just couldn't resist. In my world, Sirius asked the twins to carry on the Marauder legacy. When Remus found out, he rolled his eyes and just said "Good luck with McGonagall." And let's face it, the Golden Trio's always up to something. Harry and Ron are bound to pull some pranks and Hermione will get sucked into them too.**

**So it's a prank war. Marauders Generation 2 vs. The Golden Trio. I should make this into a story...**

**Anyway, please tell me if I get anything wrong, like spelling or information.**

**I'd also like to say two final things.**

**One: I really like co-writing stories, so if anybody is interested in writing something with me, leave me a message with a suggestion for a story of any kind and a description of your writing style. I'd love to write with you.**

**Two: I'm sorry I'm so chatty. It takes a lot to make me shut up.**

**Toodles,**

**~Jessica :)**


	9. A Note

**I know that this story was originally marked this story as humor, but that was because I didn't actually have a plan for it. I was just writing when I thought of a funny scene. Recently, I came up with a plot that will require me to get serious. Don't get me wrong, I'll try to keep incorporating humor, but it won't be as much anymore.**

**Plus, I don't mean to be mean, but the second half of the last chapter was sort of a 'what if this happened?' joke… I might do a prank war, but if I do, it won't be in here. Even though I make a lot of jokes, I have a serious plan for this story, and a prank war would just be too distracting. The scene did happen in this fic, but the pranks are not going to be priority. There will be a few pranks made by the 'new-Marauders,' but not a lot. Sorry to disappoint.**

**Also, my poll is no longer up.**

**I've decided not to have any pairings in here. Why? Well, there is a perfectly good reason. You see, in the summary I said that if there WERE pairings, the HP ones would be canon. And then the non-canon fans converted me… Haha. But yeah, I've decided that I don't want to have mislead anyone by saying that the pairings would be canon and then turn around and use a completely non-canon pairing. I might have subtle EdWin in here, but probably not.**

**Um… Sorry for the long wait.**


	10. Chapter 8

Edward Elric groaned. Homework. He hadn't had to deal with this since he was, what, seven? Eight? He glared at the door again and scowled as there was still no sign of his commanding officer. Reluctantly, he picked up his pen (because he absolutely refused to use a _feather_ to write) and turned to his homework to occupy him as he waited.

He was halfway done with his last assignment for the night when Roy Mustang strolled into the room.

"You're late," Ed snapped. "I had to teach by myself."

"Only two classes," Roy replied. "We have five minutes until the third."

"What the hell took you so long?" Ed asked snarkily.

"I was investigating the Ministry. I told you this morning," Roy shot back, sounding as if Ed was the one at fault.

Ed rolled his eyes. "I'm not an idiot, Dad. You said you'd be back in time to help me teach. Don't you realize I have homework for other classes as well?"

Roy dropped silent for a moment, staring incredulously at Ed.

"Dad?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.

Roy blinked. "Sorry, it's just weird hearing you complain about normal teenage things like homework," he said with a chuckle.

Ed groaned in annoyance and buried his face in his hands. "Can't you focus? I need you to help me teach."

"Technically, _you're_ supposed to be helping _me," _Roy corrected. "Because I have more 'alchemical experience.'"

"Yeah. Cos you definitely know more alchemy than I do," Ed said in a deadpan voice. "Definitely."

Roy chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. C'mon, here come the twerps. Ready to teach?"

"Just let me finish this essay for my Runes class." Ed plunked himself down in Roy's desk and got to work on aforementioned essay as Roy leaned against the side. The sixth year Slytherins glanced warily at the two alchemists as they went to their seats.

"I wonder what they've heard about us already," Ed muttered to Roy as the class settled into silence because Ed was busy, Roy didn't feel like doing his job, and the Slytherins were too wary to speak up.

"Probably nothing good," Roy replied with a smirk, low enough for the students not to hear.

"Unless they're talking to Gryffindors. Then they'd have heard nothing but praise. But they're probably too prejudiced," Ed shot back, and then raised his voice. "Right. I'm done with that. Ready?"

"You lot are the sixth years for Slytherins, am I correct?" Roy asked. There were a few scattered 'yeah's, but the students remained mostly silent. "Wow, lively bunch."

"They're probably too busy planning our deaths to respond to us, if the house prejudices are anything to go by," Ed said with a chuckle.

"We aren't a bunch of murderers," one student grumbled in annoyance.

Ed grinned. "O' course. If you ask me, the rumors about each house are ridiculous. Seriously. If I was a Hufflepuff and I wanted to do something reckless, I'm not going to stop and think 'well, only Gryffindors are reckless, so I can't do this.' No. I'd just go and do something reckless. Granted, I actually am a Gryffindor, so I guess if I did something reckless it'd just be brushed off as normal. But you get the point."

Roy gave him a weird look. "Have you been wanting to say that all day?"

"Little bit, yeah," Ed told him. The Slytherin sixth years sat, awed by the fact that a Gryffindor had managed to come across as somewhat likable to them.

* * *

**Let it be known that if you did not read the author's note that preceded this, you are an idiot and I'd appreciate it if you do not waste my time ranting at me. Thanks.**


	11. Chapter 9

**Alrighty, I started an FMA forum, if any of you are interested: forum(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/forum/The_State_Alchemist_Board_Of_Representatives/106458/ Just remove the (dot)s to get the url to work.**

* * *

George shifted. Nothing. "Do you think they cast a silencing spell?"

Fred nudged him with an elbow. "Maybe, but we should still be able to hear. We fixed the Ears so silencing spells won't affect them, remember? Now, shut up and stop making noise so we can hear!"

"Just try again."

"Alright, alright." Fred fiddled with the Extendable Ear for a moment.

_"…sick of this damn school thing! How the hell do these kids put up with it year after year?"_

They heard Ed's loud voice through the Ear suddenly and exchanged grins.

_"Not everyone is privately tutored, Fullmetal,"_ they heard Roy respond, instantly perking up with curiosity at the odd term.

_"Whatever. All this material is complete shit, anyway." _George lifted an eyebrow; if he swore in front of his parents, he'd be in major trouble.

_"I pity the teachers who have to read your essays." _Fred laughed and George snorted.

_"What's that supposed to mean?" _The twins shared a grin; they had already seen Ed's handwriting. It was horrible.

_"It was unanimously agreed by all the officers under my command, your handwriting gets less legible the less interested you are in what you're writing. I'm honestly surprised I'm even capable of reading your reports."_

_"You try writing with your non-dominant hand all the time. You know my right arm can't write."_

The boys shifted in curiosity. It seemed this eavesdropping session was causing them to gain a lot of questions. Fullmetal, reports, non-dominant hands. Interesting.

* * *

"I am so fucking sick of this damn school thing!" Edward exclaimed in annoyance, slamming his books onto Roy's desk, consequentially waking him. "How the hell do these kids put up with it year after year?"

Roy rolled his eyes. "Not everyone is privately tutored, Fullmetal." His tone was half-amused, but mostly irritated at being woken up.

"Whatever," Edward grumbled. "All this material is complete shit, anyway," he added disdainfully as he gathered up the essays he had left scattered on the desk while teaching. He emphasized his point by showing Roy an essay, as if it were his proof.

The older alchemist looked at the essay for a moment before chuckling. "I pity the teachers who have to read your essays."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edward exclaimed indignantly.

"It was unanimously agreed by all the officers under my command, your handwriting gets less legible the less interested you are in what you're writing. I'm honestly surprised I'm even capable of reading your reports," Roy answered, smirking at the annoyed look on the blonde's face.

"You try writing with your non-dominant hand all the time," Edward snapped and Roy chuckled. "You know my right arm can't write."

"Excuses, excuses."

"Shut up. Anyway, that's not why I woke you up. I want to talk about what you found at the Ministry."

"What makes you think I found anything? Maybe I was just wasting time so I didn't have to teach."

Edward fixed him with a glare. "You don't need to be at the Ministry to do that. You waste time here."

Roy chuckled. "True," he admitted, before continuing. "But before I go any further, why don't we say hello to the brats outside our door?"

* * *

_"But before I go any further, why don't we say hello to the brats outside our door?"_

The twins froze as Roy opened the classroom door in front of their crouched position and Ed picked up the Extendable Ear.

"Is this.. An _ear?"_ Ed asked in disgusted disbelief. "An _ear?_ You wizards are _sick._ You know that?"

"It's not an actual ear," Fred explained swiftly as he stood, George following suit.

"It's an invention of ours. Lets people overhear conversations," George continued.

"Still a prototype, though," Fred finished.

Ed raised an eyebrow. "It's still sick."

"How'd you hear us, anyway?" George asked. "I cast a silencing charm."

"That's exactly how I knew," Roy replied. "I've heard of those charms and it was too quiet in the hallway."

Fred blinked. "Never thought of that."

"Of course not," Ed said with a snort. "Why would you?"

"Now," Roy interrupted. "Why were you trying to listen in on our conversation?"

The twins grinned at the two alchemists. "No reason," they blurted simultaneously, before dashing away.


End file.
